Im Jess. Jessica…whatever ya want to call me.
Nope. Don’t you dare. Don’t know why though…..
So how do you do this writing thing? I feel weird. Here I am about to tell you things that I just learned – I am in no way an expert.
So far from it.
So far I can’t even see….whatever it is I’m trying to say.
Lets start again. I can’t with my brain.
Hi. I’m….wait we did that.
Okay. A blog about my relationship with God – how do you describe that? How do I even share how God has truly just rocked my world….wait is that a saying? Well – here we go.
I am a Christian. I lovingly call myself a Jesus Freak (I know that used to be a bad term but it applies to me so true) – but I wasn’t always. Y’all I was the biggest fake.
I walked the walk and talked the talk. I knew how to talk the right way and act like I thought how good Christians act. I knew it all. Allegedly. pssshhhh…..I knew nothing. What did I know? I knew what I was being taught. We didn’t go to the best church. I won’t go into it but the doctrine (what they believed) was screwy.
yup. I write good yo.
Anyways, I thought I knew christianity and how to be a good christian. I thought I knew what God wanted for me. I thought I knew. Then….well then….then I got married. And boy did my life change.
His name is Dave. We were in our 20’s and madly in love. But he didn’t believe like I did – and that rocked my world. We challenged each other yes…but it was more like I didn’t know how to deal with that challenge and the changes he brought. Something was always off. I was confronted by this man who made me push for a better me.
Yes he drove me to crazy town and back (still does) but I couldn’t handle it. So what did I do? I ran. I can’t even tell you how many times I ran from him….but I think it was more that I was running from God. From responsibility.
From truth really. I couldn’t handle being told I was broken. That I needed to change.
I mean, I was the perfect Christian Right? How can I change? How can I be real? Maybe I wasnt as Christian as I thought….
What I didn’t know till about 13 years later? I suffered from PTSD. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Theres a huge story here to tell.
Are you ready?