I’ve been asked this several times.
“Jess you have been through hell and back. The worst things have happened to you (don’t worry we’ll get there)….how can you still say God is real?”
Fair question right?
But I’ll tell ya how I now know.
My parents were driving us home from my grandmas house when I was around 9 or 10. My brother and I were in the backseat enjoying what we called my dads “Bronx” driving.
Translation? He drove really fast.
So he took this curve (at a good speed) entering the highway and boom we landed in a huge puddle. My Dad stopped immediately.
To the side of us, there were 2 cars stalled in the huge puddle – I really should say lake cause to a 9 year old? It was huge. So beside us, the 2 cars had both crashed into each other.
My mom started … let’s say encouraging … my dad to back up and get out of the lake we were apparently in. He started to back up and suddenly he started driving forward THROUGH the huge water hazard:
“What are you doing Jaime?! You’re gonna ruin the car!”
“I DONT KNOW! We just hafta drive forward”
My brother and I turned to watch the water rise and the people (from the car accident) as they got out and start talking to each other when……
Behind us a car had sped through the curve and demolished into one of the cars that were already in the accident.
If my father had backed up….that car would’ve crashed into us. Which would’ve probably killed my brother and I.
That stuck with me – but I can’t say it sat with me too long. Life got in the way – I lost sight of the truth. Something caused me to not see God at work in my life.
I let a church make me believe lies. I listened to my abusers as they told me how horrible, stupid, ugly, fat and unlovable I was. I believed I wasn’t good enough. That if there was a God? He couldn’t possibly love someone like me. So there I sat in the funk. In the depths. Pushing God away at a young age.
Then at 14? I asked God. I asked Him if He was real. I sought Him out.
My head was still filled with garbage but God started to show me. I was 10 when they found my first tumor in my neck. I was 10 when I had my tonsils out. The ages of 11-13 is a blur of a hellion rejecting God. I think I was even believing in the Ancient Greek god idea.…I really didn’t care about God. Cause I knew He couldn’t love me.
But I was 14 when they found my next tumor on my Fallopian tube. I was 14 when I sprained both ankles at the same time. I was 15 when I was sexually assaulted by a classmate. I was 16 when I developed Sciatica.
Thats when it hit me. God was trying to get my attention. You see God? He loves His children and will do ANYTHING to get their attention. Especially when they ask.
But you know what? I saw. I was spared death…..by tumor….by the attack….I was spared broken bones…..I was spared a lot. Yes I went through a whole lot – but I asked God. I asked Him to show me … Him. And He did.
Has it been easy? No. Ha. Not even close. But God? Will always show me that He is right there taking care of things – especially when I get in the way.