That was ingrained in me since I could remember.
Don’t be prideful about anything AT ALL or you’re going to hell. And pride? Is liking things about yourself. So when I started liking what I looked like in the mirror? Bam. I started to feel guilty. I was a failure
I was a good christian remember? So, anyone who gave me a compliment? I shot it down. “Oh thats not me” or I would start in on another area that was “problematic”. My aunt had a particular fascination….no thats not the right word.
I don’t know how to put it. My Titi (Spanish for auntie) is awesomely unique.
Anyhow – she would comment that I had the best legs every time I saw her. She would pinch my legs and run after me. Ya know, after being told I was fat, dumb and ugly since the age of 7? I needed to hear that … for real though? I never took what she said as being serious. In my head it was just my Titi being, well, my Titi.
Yall….I hated my body.
Everything I saw I hated. Being told those horrible things took a toll on me and what I was being taught in the church about pride? It just messed me up. I didn’t even research it or ask for clarification. Cause you didn’t do that. You just listened to the pastor and boom. His word was law.
That is so not the way its supposed to be (see Acts 7:10-15 about how you need to search scriptures after being taught)
Just a little side note? I actually love when my pastor answers a question by saying “look up this verse” or “research it here”. Cause Gods words (the Bible) are the only words you should be taking as fact.
Back to what I was saying…
For years, I thought of myself as the ugly fat, stupid duckling. To the point that when my husband and I started dating? I was convinced he was gonna leave me. I would accuse him constantly of wanting to leave me or cheating on me. My poor husband.
My fear of pride just turned into fear. Fear of anything, everything. I was afraid constantly that I was going to hell if I did something wrong.
Anyways, it was not till years later I realized the true meaning of pride. See below for a perfect example of pride…see the rest of Daniel 4 as to what happened to this King …. King Nebuchadnezzar.
Pride is not liking you or some part of your body but thinking you are the one who made it that way. Pride is taking away power from God and trying to give it to yourself. Saying you are the source of everything in your life.
So not the case. God is the source of life. The source of everything. He is the reason you are living. But….huge “but” here…..its okay to like what God gave you. Its okay to appreciate what God has allowed in your life.
So, here I am 40 years old. Finally learning to like my legs, my stretched out stomach and all the rest of me. And knowing its okay to appreciate and respect the changes God has made in my life.