patience

Hi. My name is Jessica and I have absolutely no patience. None. At all. I remember when I was a teen I prayed those fateful words: “Lord please teach me to be patient”. Here we are 20+ years later?

I’m still learning.

But its slowly starting to stick with me.

Take my tumor situation – the doctors found something growing in my neck back in Feb/March when did I finally have it removed? August.

I spent all that time worrying and being scared. They literally had no clue what was in my neck – they sent it out to be biopsied and it came back inconclusive. That literally drove me insane. I would even feel it in my neck (thanks Sensory disorder) just so worried what was happening to my body.

People would encourage me, send me prayers, encouragements and all that – nothing. I mean partly it has to do with my anxiety but mainly? I just didn’t trust God. and boom – there it is.

I didn’t have any trust. I didn’t fully trust God with my life.

I remember one night crying on the floor in my bathroom and just praying that God would heal me and let me live for my family. Telling God this wasn’t fair and just crying. Thats the exact moment it hit me. I had to pray: “Not my will but Yours be done.” and mean it.

That means – I was praying not for what I want to happen but what God wants to happen is more important. And should happen.

Yeah the situation sucks and its okay to be mad about that but I had to truly trust God. I had to give Him control and just say and know that God knows more.

I am not fully there honestly but I now know…….He’s got me.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit[a] your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him,

And He shall bring it to pass.

Psalm 37:4-5

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