different

I am different. Y’all…..I dance to the beat of my own drum. I am the pink Star Wars chick. Now? I 10000% love being different. Wasn’t always that way. I shared with y’all how I am neurodivergent – how life was hard … and so on. But I haven’t shared how my “friends” treated me. Mostly cause my brain has blocked it out – but y’all even family truly treated me different. People would alienate me all the stinking time. I can not tell you how many times I heard: “Stay here I’ll be right back” and 30 mins later? I was still waiting there. by myself cause i had to wait right? Even to this day people do that to me.

Except for my brother. And my husband – but we are talking about my baby brother.

We have not had always had the best relationship. But at one time? We were the best of friends. Then things happened. I don’t know – but I know part of it was because he stopped believing in God. And I saw the darkness in his heart and it freaked me out – so I did exactly what you shouldn’t. I smacked him with the bible.

I love him – I can’t let him die without God right?

Welp….

Well that just made him push away harder.

He made his life decisions. Being angry and …. just the joy was gone from our relationship.

Then I dont remember how it started but i just felt it was my job to “save” him. So i got into a theological conversation with him. Lemme stop here – i am not an apologist. At all. In fact with confrontation – i cry. But him? Well he had done some “research”.

I put research in quotes because he refuses to hear arguments from both sides. He feels he knows it all – remember the last church he was at was the bad one we grew up in. he doesn’t know the truth at all.

Anyway, I was lost. And i talked with someone who said something along the lines: “What are you doing? You cant force someone to believe”

Man…..y’all that convicted me something fierce. I cannot even begin to explain.

So i stopped “preaching” at him and started loving him. For who he is. I don’t support his sinful life – but I don’t cut him from my life and I don’t always preach to him. To be honest most times what I do is tell him he needs Jesus.

What do we do? I mean my family and I…

We Pray.

Friend, there are some people God has placed in our life to help. To encourage. To pray for. To minister to. But it is NOT our job to save them. Thats God job. We are just the planters – God does the growing.

In God is my salvation and my glory;

The rock of my strength,

And my refuge, is in God.

Psalm 62:7