I’ve been broken

I’ve been broken so many times I cant even count. I suffer from CPTSD from some major things. Mental and Verbal abuse mainly but someone did something to me that can never be undone.

I really dont want to talk about it but I am having a bad CPTSD day so why not.

I don’t know how old i was……I have only bits and pieces of my memory. But dude. These are things you don’t want to think a child went through. Okay I cant go beyond that or I will be a mess through the rest of the day.

So….this explains my attitude more right?

I don’t know. I am a psychologists dream – for reals folks.

Y’all this is really hard to write. Sorry gimme a moment……..

needed a dance break.

Okay…..here i am. Fighting.

Those things shaped me into who i am today….do i wish they never happened? Yup. 10000000000000000000% – theres not enough 0’s in the world to cover how much i wish it didnt happen.

But I know. I know in my heart that God allowed these things to happen to me for a purpose. So here I am Lord. fighting. Fighting for my relationship with You Lord.

I know Lord you didnt want this to happen to me. But Lord use me. Use me to help someone else who has gone through this.

Here I am Lord. Use me.

⁸ Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

“Whom shall I send,

And who will go for Us?”

Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Isaiah 6:8