This so sucks

Hypothyroidism sucks. Majorly. Lemme break it down really quick. Your thyroid controls a lot of body parts. from female organs to brain function to digestive…section (ahem) to even muscular function. Oh wait forgot my favorite – joint … function? I dont know how to say that except arthritis sucks. All of this sucks so much. So much.

There are a lot of autoimmune disorders that go alongside it to – you know this sister has a lot of those awesome dysfunctions. I don’t complain about it because – well in my head? I convince myself no one cares. Which is obviously not true – but being in a neurodivergent family? Man…..it can be so easy to convince myself sometimes.

They get all caught up in their …. issues .. I get lost. Not their fault. But you know what is? my reaction.

Its so easy to get lost in my mind. Have you ever noticed that about yourself? If you just let me – oh man the scenarios I can come up with. Now add that beautiful anxious mix together with the screwed up thyroid hormones? Which … as my son put it .. makes me very irritable? Wow. talk about powder keg.

sorry guys.

I want to be angry right now. This is not fair. I want to push everyone away. I want to delve in self pity – did i mention depression is a symptom of hypothyroidism? I hate this part of the healing process – the patiently waiting for God to work a mighty miracle. This sucks y’all. There are a lot of days where I just lay on the couch cause I am so tired I cant even function.

But in my moments? The thing that keeps me sane? Is keeping my focus on God. Literally y’all sometimes I hafta say out loud: you know thats not true Jess.

Yall I just want to sometimes scream my head off at how stupid everything is and eat a big vat of ice cream. By the end of the day I just honestly do not have enough strength to stand. But i do it. I get through it and? I praise God. No. not for the this problem – ha. Definitely not. But what do I do? I praise God cause I know He will get me through. And I trust in my God who will always be there with me.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,

Nor shall the flame scorch you.

Is 43:2

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