i just pray

I have depression due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. I have medical depression or as its commonly called: clinical depression. Comments from others have ranged from: “oh I’m sorry” to “I have that too. I just pray” Sigh. When will we learn its not a competition?

I was misdiagnosed with bipolar 1 – later to find out I had postpartum psychosis. yes. That one. Anyway – I told everyone about it. I needed support (and validation apparently) and I needed people to understand this is a thing that we need to talk about. Christians can get a mental illness AND its not demon possession.

Don’t get me wrong – the enemy really truly does mess with our minds and demon possession can happen. But this? Is a medical condition.

I developed PTSD at a young age from abuse. Which because of medical reasons – made me susceptible to a postpartum mood disorder. Especially cause I was untreated. why was I untreated? Cause I didn’t understand I was hurt. I didn’t get my memories until I was around 39. I just didnt understand.

When a child – as young as i was – is hurt in the way I was? It messes with their development. Think about it, everything we do as parents affects our child – think how much more an affect abuse has.

This is something I wouldnt wish on anyone – but it happened. So I use this to help others understand: just medicine doesnt work. Just praying doesnt work. They work together. And that has nothing to do with your faith in God.

Absolutely nothing.

Its just like my thyroid issues – I cannot fix my thyroid gland with just praying. I need to fix the whole thing.

I had a psychiatrist appt once that changed my life completely. Remember how I was doubting God and the church? Well, in an appt he asked me how I was doing and I answered truthfully: I’m struggling. I need more meds. He looked at me incredulously and said plainly: Jessica. There is no amount of meds that can help you stop being depressed. You need to find that for yourself. The medicine just helps – its only part of the answer. He was not a christian.

Needing medicine has absolutely nothing to do with how much you need God.

Friend, if you are struggling with your mental health? Ask for help. Talk. Do not feel ashamed about needing help.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 

james 1:5

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