ball of nerves

so im a new dose of my thyroid meds. Been on it a couple of weeks and now im starting to feel the effects. Im not as tired – i can get through the day without 14 cups of coffee. My weight is stable. And so on. But im dealing with my grandma. Im dealing with realizations of what has happened to me. I dealing with setting boundaries. and Im a ball of nerves.

For the past 2 years I have been …. numbed. Dumbed down even. My thyroid levels have been out of whack for years because the tumor was eating….yall im not even sure. All I know is once that tumor came out? I bottomed out. My levels went to poo.

Yeah i said it

So now these emotions im feeling?

Sweet Lord.

Its like im a new child and dont know how to manage being happy. How to manage being sad. How to manage being nervous. I am not kidding. I am a ball of nerves yall. Its ridiculous.

But ya know what? I am grateful.

I’m grateful for finally feel. Even if they are the ugly emotions. Cause we are human right? God made us to feel these feelings right? So its good that im no longer a robot.

But man oh man this is difficult.

But like I said I appreciate it. Honestly its bringing me closer to God cause I really understand now: I cannot do this life without God. There is too much suffering and pain – why would we?

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33