I hate getting the silent treatment. It’s a trigger point for my c-ptsd. Major one. Not going into specifics but full on panic attacks and everything.
Thing is? A lot of people? Are just silent. Ya know the “strong silent type” people? Sigh. I’m freaking out just writing this.
okay….this is a couple of weeks later. I’m in a good spot to start again.
It all started with … a person who was instrumental in my life. They were going through their own stuff so they started this thing where they gave me the silent treatment. I remember the longest they went without talking to me was 2 weeks. It ended only because – well I’m not even sure.
But I remember feeling so alone and I hated that feeling. I remember being convinced this person hated me. I understand that person now but as a kid? Dude. I felt so unloved and unneeded.
It made me feel horrible. When I opened up to someone else about this – that person told me it never happened. Yeah. so I stayed silent – oh how the circle came round. I hate trauma.
I hate when people are silent around me – even my husband. Which is not fair to him because he is a quiet, laid back type of guy.
But doing that husband challenge? It got me a little focused. on the truth. Its not about me. I think this world is so focused on ourselves (how someone is treating us) – that we forget what really matters.
How we treat others.
Cause you know what? that is all that matters – in relation to salvation and being a witness of course. And I am definitely not talking about letting people walk all over you – because people will unfortunately do that. I know a thing or 3 about that.
I’m not gonna lie and say I got this whole thing figured out – far from it. But I’m learning to listen to that still small voice and I am learning its about others.
Like being around my family these past couple of weeks as we dealt with my grandma – brought a lot of craziness up. Reminded me why i’m so screwed up. But in this time – my husband kept reminding of the truth. Its not about us or how they treat us (to a point of course). But its about being a witness.