i’m learning

through this time y’all? i’m learning. i’m learning what it truly means to be a servant – not a slave a servant.

Its a freaking difficult lesson to learn because … well I just want to rebel from that idea. ya know? Being told you are growing up to be a slave (see previous link for all the posts) kinda puts that rebellious idea in you. And i’ve been hard headed about it.

“Not me! Nope! Not happening!”

Its made me so much more resistant to learn what God is trying to teach me.

After my meds starting working right? I started thinking “Well this is it. I’m done learning to trust and rely on God

Ha.

That’s not how things work – I’m learning.

*sarcasm* awesome *sarcasm*

Here I am, 41, still learning – why? Cause I’m a big knucklehead? Yes. Cause I am trying to do things in my own strength? Also yes. Cause I keep losing sight of God? Unfortunately ……….. yes.

Y’all a big thing i’m finally getting to learn? I am a sinner. And I’m gonna keep failing. But as long as I keep trying to be like God and keep seeking Him out? He will bless me – with understanding .. with hope .. with love. So?

I will learn to trust God. And I will keep trying to be a servant and lean completely and totally on God. Cause thats all I can and should do.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

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