wait … is that how you say it? Hold on…hey google! Yup. Good two shoes. I wonder how that came to be a saying. Anyways, I was always a goody two shoes. Acting the way I thought people wanted me to be. Dressing the way I was “supposed to” and so on. Remember people pleaser? Yea. Its so much so no one believes me when I say: I used to street race. No seriously! Nothing fast and the furious type – but I used to race. And I had a beat up car too. This was it:
I wanna call it my ADHD superpower…but moving on.
Where I grew up … or maybe the time frame? I don’t know….muscle cars and street racing were big where I was. Lets leave it at that.
Anyways, guys were always trying to prove something to me … I honestly don’t know what they were trying to prove. maybe that they were better than me in their big muscle cars but … not to dust my shirt off? I always won.
Sorry – I had to.
Anyways, I never told anyone cause well – it was/is illegal right? Chalk it up to the stupidity of young adults right? Well, one day I was driving home from …. i honestly don’t remember. And I saw a car wrapped around a tree. Literally. Wrapped around a tree. But that was the brick wall … wake up call … whatever you want to call it … moment for me. I stopped.
Sometime later, I met my husband and wanted to be open and honest about everything – I told him. His response? I dont remember but its probably close to the reaction he has now. Disbelief. I am a goody two shoes. I do exactly what people think of me. I dont smoke, I dont drink – actually never have. I dont cuss, i dont do drugs (i do have a pill addiction issue but thats a story for another day). I am what people think of as a good christian.
My point? People assume. They assume a lot. I am always open and honest – to a point. Not because I want to people please anymore but because people assume.
They are gonna keep assuming so what do I do? I concentrate on how God sees me. I look to Him to be my measure of what a good Christian is. Do I homeschool? Yup. But I hate every second of it (check my twitter for proof). Do I go to church? Yes. But most times its begrudgingly. I’m real. I’m upfront. I am an absolute wreck.
But God loves me.