This is difficult

Man. This is difficult – not writing. I love writing. its a release. No. I’m talking about being a Christian. Its rough dude. I don’t know where people get the idea (I’m including myself in this group of people) that being a christian is all peachy creamy….stuff. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why its thought that christians have a perfect life – i swear i used to think it. and that anyone who wasn’t perfect? were liars. what a stinking knucklehead i am.

You see – i have been dealing with chronic pain all my life. Most recently I found out a potential diagnosis for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome – which would literally just explain my whole life. But that doesn’t make anything easier ya know? The pain is so unbearable sometimes I cry. I just cry.

But heres the thing? I can’t cry in front of my family – i’m not putting them through this frustration and anger i feel. Im not putting them through the absolute crippling fear I have. No. Old Jessica probably would have but ya know what? I have a little faith. Just a little faith. Not gonna puff myself up….sometimes i have huge doubts. but most times? I have a little faith.

Thats the key to remember – even if you have just a little faith? You can get through the dark times.

Do I know if I am gonna be cured of this? No. But I know my God can do anything. He can 1000000000000% cure an incurable disease. 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000%

He’s been so good to me and if not? I know He is King. I know He cares. I know He loves me. And?

I know.

I know…God will get me through this.

16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. 17 If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. 18 But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

Daniel 3:16-18

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