This is difficult

Man. This is difficult – not writing. I love writing. its a release. No. I’m talking about being a Christian. Its rough dude. I don’t know where people get the idea (I’m including myself in this group of people) that being a christian is all peachy creamy….stuff. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why its thought that christians have a perfect life – i swear i used to think it. and that anyone who wasn’t perfect? were liars. what a stinking knucklehead i am.

You see – i have been dealing with chronic pain all my life. Most recently I found out a potential diagnosis for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome – which would literally just explain my whole life. But that doesn’t make anything easier ya know? The pain is so unbearable sometimes I cry. I just cry.

But heres the thing? I can’t cry in front of my family – i’m not putting them through this frustration and anger i feel. Im not putting them through the absolute crippling fear I have. No. Old Jessica probably would have but ya know what? I have a little faith. Just a little faith. Not gonna puff myself up….sometimes i have huge doubts. but most times? I have a little faith.

Thats the key to remember – even if you have just a little faith? You can get through the dark times.

Do I know if I am gonna be cured of this? No. But I know my God can do anything. He can 1000000000000% cure an incurable disease. 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000%

He’s been so good to me and if not? I know He is King. I know He cares. I know He loves me. And?

I know.

I know…God will get me through this.

¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. ¹⁷ If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. ¹⁸ But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

Daniel 3:16-18