Lonely

As a Spoonie? You can’t help but feel incredibly lonely. No one truly understands the pain, the exhaustion, the fact that your life is drastically changing minute by minute. People can feel sorry but no one truly understands and that’s lonely

I’m going through a bad flare…or whatever is happening in my body currently. It’s hard. All I want to do is watch tv – or read a book. I’m exhausted, I’m in pain, I’m nauseous, I’m … well you get the drift. But I can’t do what I want. I have kids who are summer vacation and need to get out and be kids.

Like this week. We had my grandma’s memorial service, my mom came for it and stayed for a visit after. We have been out everyday. I am so exhausted I want to cry. I hate this so much.

So much.

But I know God has a reason. I know He has a plan but in the meantime? I learn. Like today, I was reminded of the chosen series. I’m not a fan but hey – it talks of Jesus and we know Gods word doesn’t return void (see Is 55:11) .

I remember one episode. Jesus was ministering to the crowds all day – the episode concentrates on the disciples … doing whatever. But what do I remember? Jesus.

There was finally no crowds and he went to his tent. In pain. Groaning from standing on his feet all day. Wincing as he moves his bed to prepare for nighttime.

I’m not saying that’s biblical – but it reminded me. Jesus was human. He felt pain.

The point? God knows. God knows what I am dealing with. Thank you Lord. Thank you that I am not alone.

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Matthew 10:30

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