Holter Monitor Day 4

well its Day 4 of me wearing the holter monitor. How is it going? Well I’ll tell ya. Interesting. I have to take it off each morning to charge it for a period of time. They told me it takes an hour and what have i found out? It takes an hour and a half. Which is fine – kinda. You see I hafta put it back on….and well – this is me all day:

Holy crap I did it wrong! Did I do it wrong? Lemme check.”

Every few minutes for the first 30 mins of the day. Did I tell you how much fun anxiety is?

how I wish I was kidding.

Then? Oh heres the best part – y’all know how I keep talking about me worrying about my symptoms and trusting God? Well here’s me all day:

Holy crap im dying……..gotta trust God……holy crap I wont see the kids get married….gotta trust God….I’m never seeing my husband again…..trust God……Did I put the monitor on right? I bet they aren’t even seeing anything……trust God…” Shall I go on?

Sigh.

You know I gotta say that every time I think these thoughts? I think of that song from the David play. Its a rough road and obviously i’m flailing. But I know God has me.

Lord. I am scared. But I know you have a reason for all this. So I trust you. Please God help me in those times where I lose sight. Help me in those times I don’t believe.

24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

mark 9:24

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