So here we go

Okay when I type this its Saturday February 5th. I started a challenge yesterday and I’m gonna keep track of here. A marriage challenge – for just me. Its just for women challenge type thing. I am gonna spend the next 30 days not being critical of my husband. On top of that, I am gonna spend each day saying something loving/kind/appreciative to him and to at least one other person. So here we go.

Here we go indeed.

Lets preface this with my husband and I are very sarcastic to each other. Its the way we’ve always been. Though there are times when I verge into the depths of…..not being sarcastic. Sorry I cant think of the word.

Anyways, in my life? I’ve never been heard. Ive always been shushed. Ive always been told I was stupid. So this has lead to many…..many…..many…..many…..oh-how-i-could-go-on….arguments. All started by me misunderstanding my husband. I know this all has to do with the trauma I’ve been through – but that doesnt excuse it ya know? So i’m trying. I’m trying to work on me while working on my side of marriage.

I can only concentrate on how I react right?

Anyways … I’ve already only been doing this one day? And I want to stop.

I’m not kidding.

This is freaking hard! This …. so tough. Sorry was just gonna …. never mind.

See?????

This is difficult.

Cause my mindset has always been my entire marriage – how can I fix him. I remember one time my mom told me something to the effect of when I pray for my husband –

dont pray on how to change him. But ask God to pray how you can change to HELP him.

my ma

Okay so after one day? Things are getting easier. Okay not really. But my eyes are being opened to how cynical (thats the word!) I have been.

God forgive me please.

So, I am holding my tongue and i’m being more open. I am not a patient person – hence the difficulty. But I know by the grace of God? Only?

I can become the person I need to be.