There was that time

I haven’t really been talking about how Jesus changed me based on stories from my life. Sorry. I told y’all C-PTSD is complicated. Some days I cant even think about it. But then? I remember that time….there was that time i was a bully.

Man. I haven’t thought about this in forever. But in high school – during that time I had of rebellion – I was a bully. I don’t remember her name, but I remember talking with her and liking her. Thinking she was cool. Different but cool. Then enter the popular kids – for some reason, they befriended me for a period of time. but not her and I didn’t care.

I don’t have a lot of memories of what was said to her – or by who. but i remember one time, one of the “cool” kids said a joke about her loudly and the whole class laughed (including me – God please forgive me), and she was visibly crushed.

I felt bad in the moment but pushed it aside. cause that’s what you do right? Then shockingly, the cool kids didn’t think i was cool anymore

so i went to try to be friends with this girl again – she wasn’t having it. Good for her, I was a jerk.

(many, many) Years later I went shopping for some stuff at Macy’s – don’t judge, it used to be a cool place y’all. Anyways, she was the make up counter lady (maybe? It was a while ago). I tried to walk by her without getting her attention – I felt too guilty to see her. But? This lady was caught.

She asked me how i was and before I could answer? She went into her whole life story. At first? I was confused “Why is she telling me her whole life story?” Then I got it quickly …. she was showing that she made something of her life. She was trying to prove that she wasn’t that meek little girl from high school anymore. So I stayed quiet – letting her have her moment.

And I prayed for her.

Ya know – we are all gonna fail. God knows I have many, many times. I mean – just read this story. Definitely not a shining moment for me. I could dwell but …. I remember: we are gonna suck sometimes but its not our place to concentrate on our failures.

here’s why. And I tell this to my kids regularly –

We are gonna fail. Yes, we are christians but only God is perfect. So expect those failures – and when they come? Ask God for forgiveness and whoever else you need to apologize to and move on. Why? Cause that what Jesus does when we ask for forgiveness. When we die, we go before God. Now, imagine God is watching a big TV of our life and there is Jesus standing next to Him. When it comes time for our lives to be judged (see 2 Corinthians 5:10), God is looking at everything we did. But before every sin comes to God’s sight? Imagine that Jesus is deleting those that we ask forgiveness for. Cause as soon as we ask God to forgive our sins? Jesus deletes it. Thats what Jesus dying on the cross did for us. He deletes our sins so that we can go to heaven. Thats what Jesus dying on the cross does for us.

– me

I could sit here and dwell on the fact that I failed miserably. that this (severely bullied) mom of 2 awesomely abled kids (who have, as well, been severely bullied) – was a bully to someone else. But I have already asked God for forgiveness. So I move on. Just like my father in heaven does when I ask for forgiveness. Jesus Paid the ultimate price so that we can get into heaven, by sincerely asking for forgiveness for each of our sins.

Instead of letting satan win? I’m gonna concentrate on the fact that Jesus loves me so much … He died for someone like me.

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

psalm 103:12